Seeing the Woman to Whom One
Proposes Marriage
It is permissible for a Muslim man to see the woman to whom he
intends to propose marriage before taking further steps so that he
can enter into the marriage knowing what is ahead for him.
Otherwise, if he has not seen her before marriage, he may not find
her looks to his liking and may have regrets after he is married to
her.
The eye is the messenger of the heart; when the eyes meet, the
hearts and the souls of man and woman may meet as well. Muslim
reported Abu Hurairah as saying that a man came to the Prophet
(peace be on him) and told him that he had contracted to marry a
woman of the Ansar. "Did you look at her?" the Prophet (peace be on
him) asked. "No," he said, 'Then go and look at her,' said the
Prophet (peace be on him), 'for there is something in the eyes of
the Ansar,' meaning that some of them have a defect of their eyes
Al-Mughira ibn Shu'bah said, I asked for a woman in marriage and
Allah's Messenger (peace be on him) asked me whether I had looked at
her. When I replied that I had not, he said 'Then look at her, for
it may produce love between you.' I went to her parents and informed
them of the Prophet's advice. They seemed to disapprove of the idea.
Their daughter heard the conversation from her room and said, 'If
the Prophet (peace be on him) has told you to look at me, then
look.' I looked at her, and subsequently I married her. (Reported by
Ahmad, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, Ibn Hibban, and Darimi.)
The Prophet (peace be on him) did not specify either to Mughirah or
to the other man how much of the woman they were permitted to see.
Some scholars are of the opinion that looking is limited to seeing
the face and hands. However, it is permissible for anyone to see the
face and hands as long as no desire is involved; therefore, if
asking for woman in marriage is an exemption, obviously the man
making the proposal should be able to see much more of the woman
than that. The Prophet (peace be on him) said, "When one of you asks
for woman in marriage, if he is able to look at what will induce him
to marry her, he should do so." (Reported by Abu Daoud.)
Some scholars have gone to one extreme or another in relation to
this permission, but the best course seems to be the middle one. One
researcher considers it quite appropriate in our time that the man
who is proposing be allowed to see the woman as she normally appears
before her father, brother, and other muharramah. He says: In the
context of the above hadith, he may even accompany her, together
with her father or some other mahrem as chaperone, on her usual
visits to relatives or to public places, while clad in full hijab. (Hijab
denotes the proper Islamic dress. (Trans.)) In this way he will have
the opportunity to get an insight into her reasoning, behavior, and
personality. This is a part of the meaning of the hadith, "...to
look at what will induce him to marry her." (Al-Bahee al-Khooly, Al-Mar'ah
Bain al-bayn al-bait wal-Mujtamah'.)
If the man's intention of marriage is sincere, he is permitted to
see the woman with or without her and her family's knowledge. Jarir
ibn 'Abdullah said concerning his wife, "(Before marriage) I used to
hide under a tree to see her."
From the hadith concerning al-Mughira we understand that the father
of a girl cannot, out of deference to custom and tradition, prevent
a suitor who is in earnest from seeing her, for customs and
traditions must be governed by the Shari'ah. How is it possible that
the Divine Law should subjected to the whims of human beings? On the
other hand, however, neither the father, the suitor, or the fiancee
can stretch this permission to such an extent that the young man and
woman, under the pretext of betrothal or engagement, go to movie
theaters, clubs, and shopping places together without being
accompanied by a mahrem of hers, a practice which has become common
today among Muslims who are fond of imitating Western civilization
and its customs. |
