Whom to marry
Allah also gives us freedom and urges us to:
...Marry the women of your choice...
Qur'an [4 : 3]
Similarly, for the women:
"A girl came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and informed him
that her father had married her to her cousin against her wishes,
whereupon the Prophet allowed her to exercise her choice. She then
said, 'I am reconciled to what my father did but I wanted to make it
known to women that fathers have no say in this matter'".
[Ibn Majah]
Narrated Abdullah: "We were with the Prophet, peace be upon him,
while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle,
peace be upon him, said, `O young people! Whoever among you can
marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard
his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as
fasting diminishes his sexual power.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Huraira: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `A
woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family
status, her beauty, and her religion. So you should marry the
religious woman [otherwise] you will be a loser.'"
[Bukhari]
Mahr
Mahr is the gift that is given by the husband to his wife at
wedding. It can be anything in any amount, as agreed by the bride
and bride-groom. Allah says about Mahr in the Chapter `Woman' in
Quran:
And give the women (on marriage) their Mahr as a free gift ...
Qur'an [4 : 4]
But if you had given the latter a cantar (of gold i.e. a great
amount) for dower (Mahr) take not the least bit of it back ...
Qur'an [4 : 20]
Narrated Sahl bin Sa`d: " A woman came to the Prophet,, and
presented herself to him (for marriage). He declined her offer of
marriage.' Then a man said, 'O Allah's Apostle! Marry her to me."
The Prophet asked him, 'What have you got?' He said, 'I have got
nothing.' The Prophet said, 'Give her something, even an iron ring.'
He said, 'I have got nothing.' The Prophet asked (him), "How much of
the Quran do you know (by heart)?' He said, 'So much and so much.'
The Prophet said, 'I have married her to you for what you know of
the Quran.' '"
[Bukhari]
Sex
Sex is seen as an act of procreation. An eye for the what is
about to come is kept open in this respect as well. The following
prayer reminds us of God, results of our actions, and reminds us of
our commitment to train our offsprings.
Narrated Ibn Abbas: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `If
anyone of you, when having a sexual intercourse with his wife says:
In the name of Allah! O Allah! Protect me from Satan and protect
what you bestow upon us (i.e. an offspring) from Satan.
and if it is destined that they should have a child, then Satan will
never be able to harm him.'"
[Bukhari]
Walima
Walima is the wedding reception given to friends and family after
the consummation of marriage. It is given by the husband on this
auspicious occassion, showing his happiness and sharing it with the
friends and family.
Narrated Anas: When 'Abdur-Rahman came to us, the Prophet
established a bond of brotherhood between him and Sa'd bin Ar-Rabi'.
Once the Prophet said, "As you (O 'Abdur-Rahman) have married, give
a wedding banquet even if with one sheep." '"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Musa: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `Set the
captives free, accept the invitation (including to a wedding
banquet), and pay a visit to the patients.'"
[Bukhari]
By this saying of the Prophet, peace be upon him, it is also
enjoined upon us to join in the happiness of our brothers.
Duties and Rights of Husband and Wife after marriage
Allah informs us about the just rights of each other on us:
... the wife's rights (with regard to their husbands) are equal to
the (husband's) rights with regard to them, although men are a
degree above them; and Allah is Almighty, Wise.
Qur'an [2 : 228]
The statement that men are a degree above women means that authority
within the household has been give to the husband in preference to
the wife because a heavier burden has been placed on his shoulders
by another verse of the Quran which says:
Men shall take full care of women, because Allah has given the one
more strength than the other, and because they support them from
their means.Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and
guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard
...
Qur'an [4 : 34]
Advices to Husbands
Jabir Narrated that the Prophet, peace be upon him, gave these
instructions in his sermon during Farewell Pilgrimage: "Fear God
regarding women; for you have taken them [in marriage] with the
trust of God."
[Mishkat]
Narrated Aisha, God's messenger said: "Among the believers who show
most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition, and are
kindest to their families."
[Tirmidhi]
Narrated Abu Huraira, God's messenger said: "The believers who show
the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and
the best of you are those who are best to their wives."
[Tirmidhi]
Aisha has related that the Holy Prophet, peace be upon him, would
enter the house with a pleasing disposition and a smile on his lips.
[Uswa-i-Hasana]
Narrated Al-Aswad: "I asked Aisha, `What did the Prophet, peace be
upon him, do at home?' She said, `He used to work for his family and
when he heard the call for the prayer, he would go out.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Huraira: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said,
`The woman is like a rib; if you try to straighten her, she will
break. So if you want to get benefit from her, do so while she still
has some bent.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Huraira: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said,
`Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not hurt
(trouble) his neighbor. And I advise you to take care of women, for
they are created from a rib and the most crooked portion of the rib
is its upper part; if you try to straighten it, it will break, and
if you leave it, it will reamin crooked, so I urge you to take care
of women.
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abdullah bin Amr bin Al-As: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon
him, said, `O Abdullah! Have I not been informed that you fast all
the day and stand in prayer all night?' I said, `Yes, O Allah's
Apostle!' He said, `Do not do that! Observe the fast sometimes and
also leave them at other times; stand up for the prayer at night and
also sleep at night. Your body has a right over you and your eyes
have right over you and your wife has a right over you.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Ibn Umar: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `All of
you are guardians and are responsible for your wards. The ruler is a
guardian and the man is a guardian of his family; the lady is a
guardian who is responsible for her husband's house and his
offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for
your wards.'"
[Bukhari]
Men should forbear any shortcomings of women in view of the
following verse of Quran:
Live with them in kindness; even if you dislike them, perhaps you
dislike something in which God has placed much good.
Qur'an [4 : 19]
Advice to Wives
Anas reported God's messenger as saying, "When a woman observes
the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her
chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of
paradise she wishes (in other words nothing will prevent her from
entering paradise)."
[Mishkat]
Um Salama reported God's messenger as saying, "Any woman who dies
when her husband is pleased with her will enter Paradise."
[Tirmidhi]
Abu Huraira told that when God's messenger was asked which woman was
best, he replied, "The one who fills [her husband] with joy when he
sees her, obeys him when he directs and does not oppose him by
displeasing him regarding her person or property."
[Mishkat]
Providing for wife and family
Quran teaches us to be reasonable and fair to our wives and
family.
House women wherever you reside, accoding to your circumstances, and
do not harass them in order to make life difficult for them ...
Qur'an [65 : 6]
The statement of Allah in the chapter `Woman':
`Men are protectors and maintainers of women ...'
Qur'an [4 : 34]
Bukhari quotes the following verse under the heading: .. the
superiority of providing for one's family:
(O Mohammed!) They ask you what they ought to spend. Say: That which
is beyond your needs. Thus Allah make clear to you His Signs in
order that you may give thought (to it) in this worldly life and the
Hereafter ...
Qur'an [2 : 219-220]
Narrated Abu Masud Al-Ansari: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said,
`When a Muslim spends something on his family intending to receive
Allah's reward, it is regarded as Sadqa (spending in the name of
God) for him.'"
[Bukhari]
We should always remember that Allah is the one who gives us, we are
mere trustees of the funds.
Narrated Abu Huraira: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said,
`Allah said, O the son of Adam! Spend, and I shall spend on you.'"
[Bukhari]
Narrated Abu Huraira: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said,
`The best alms is that which you give when you are rich, and you
should support your dependants first.'"
[Bukhari]
Abu Huraira reported God's messenger, peace be upon him, as saying:
"Of the dinar (unit of currency) that you spend as a contribution in
God's path, or to set free a slave, or as charity given to a needy,
or to support your family, the one yielding the greatest reward is
that which you spent on your family.
[Muslim]
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